There’s No Cool Senior Ring Involved This Time

Categories: college |

I remember my first day of my senior year of high school. My whole body anticipated the anxiety and excitement of the year the lay ahead of me. My senior of college, I cannot say the same. I think this day can be surmised in one word: dread. Forcing myself through last year was challenging. Though you’d never know by looking at my 4.0 GPA, every time I made the monotonous commute from work to school, I internally struggled with allowing the use of my “skip day”. Every weekend I had to force myself to wake up, drag my ass off my friends couch, and go home at a decent hour on Sunday afternoon in order to complete my homework. Thankfully level-headed Kelly wins out by reminding me that I need to reserve my “skip day” for the unexpected illness. Fortunately the only illness I’ve suffered from was a killer hang-over and that took place on Easter Sunday weekend when I had minimal homework and optimal recover time.

However, I do feel like this year is going to be a memorable one. I started off my day at the gas station, filling up in preparation for the hour long drive to school. It was cooler this morning than it has been in a while. There was a mild breeze – one that’s strong enough to let you know that rain is on the way. The smell of the air reinforced the weather prophecy. The time had an aura to it. The kind of aura that reverberates for the remainder of your life. Reoccurrences that happen when you hear a song or smell a perfume that reminds you of your youth and emotions of the past, anxiety, love, happiness, surge into every part of your being. You can feel it well up in your chest and your senses heighten.

Smells are my strongest portal to the past. When I breathe in the scent one specific unisex cologne, I am taken back to my junior high years. The September I met my best friend at the county fair and made a life long connection with an amazing soul. The taste of green peppermints. The feeling of the later summer sun complimented with the breeze of the impending fall. I think of the khaki jacket I stole from my 8th grade love, warm with its flannel lining and complimentary olive corduroy collar. I am taken back of an innocent time when my only worry was trying to figure out which one of my early pubescent friends was mad at me that week. Life was sweet and pure just like that perfume. And I will always be flood with the joys of immaturity when I smell it.

This year is going to be one of those years. Though not all of my evoking memories are good, I cannot imagine this year having a negative connotation. With everything that I have overcome behind me, my life cannot take a turn for the worse. It’s been there. I pray that I’ve hit the low point in my story. Now it’s time to experience the pure joys of life.

Maybe that’s one reason why I am not looking forward to this coming year. Yes, I will complete a life long goal. But I’ve had an unfathomable amount of fun this summer. The freedom to do only what makes me happy is an ecstasy I’ve never experienced before. Another fear is completion. I will finally reach my life-long goal, one that I’ve probably anticipated more than my wedding day. It’s definitely one I’ve planned longer and paid more money to obtain. I guess level-headed Kelly will have to force me to go class and graduate. I’m sure I’ll look back to this in ten years and be overwhelmed with the feelings of youthful opportunity. Right now it feels like purgatory.

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