The Science of Women

Categories: Picklings |

Yesterday I attended my annual visit to the lady doctor. Don’t worry; I’m not going to get into the intimate details of the exam! But I do have some questions to ask you, even the fellas. First, how much urine should you pee into the cup? Sometimes the clinic provides a line to guide you to a goal. This office did not. It was a free range specimen collector. Thankfully, I needed to pee, and I provided them with about 6 ounces of urine. Later that afternoon, I asked the indomitable this same question, and he informed me that I was too generous. As with all aspect of my life, I’m an overachiever.

Second question, when do you get undressed? Do you do it after the nurses leaves prior to the doctor coming in or is the doctor suppose to visit with you before you get naked? I usually assume the latter, but I’ve had a doctor act like he was caught off guard because I was clothed.

Once you get undressed, do you hide your underwear? I methodically remove clothes, fold them neatly and place them in the chair, and tuck my underwear out of sight. I’m not sure why I want to conceal my dainties. I don’t want the lady doctor to think I’m a slutty girl who doesn’t wear skivvies. And it’s pretty safe to assume that she wears underwear.

Also, do you look away during the breast exam? I was speaking to her while she checked the ladies for cancer, but I avoided looking at her. In fact, our eyes connected for a split second and I completely freaked out.

My final question, why hasn’t the healthcare industry found a better way to show women where to sit on the table? Every woman is familiar with having to scoot down the table as the paper crinkles under their butt. I once had a doctor tell me to move down like “your bottom is going to shake my hand.”

One Comment

  1. Nicki

    What a post…Here’s to giving too much info to someone I haven’t seen since 11th grade.

    I don’t know about the specimin, but I probably overfill too…(gross)

    I definately hide my underwear. And I look at the ceiling throughout the entire exam. No eye contact once my feet are in stirrups and especially not after I’ve “scooted”. I try to find patterns in the ceiling tiles.

    I get undressed after they give me the gown and leave. Don’t they tell you to get undressed?

    Finally, how on God’s earth does one shake hands with one’s bottom? Really. I would have switched gyno’s at that point.

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