One Month

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Dear Cecilia,

Congratulations! You’ve been in this world an entire month. It’s been both challenging and rewarding, and everyday has been a new experience for both of us. Part of me feels like you’ve always been here and the other part feels like everything is still so new. I’ve enjoyed introducing you to your new world as I learn about you and our new life together.

I admit our first few days together were a struggle as we mastered breastfeeding. There were lots of tears on my behalf and quite a bit of crying from you too. Our first trip out was to the lactation consultant where we learned our difficulties were anatomy related. Despite my cracked, bleeding, blistered nipples, you had regained and passed your birth weight just three days after you were born. I think this speaks volumes of my dedication and love for you and my willingness to sacrifice my own comfort for your well being.

Since that day, breastfeeding has become a little easier, but I feel like we missed out on some initial bonding time. I’ve been trying to make up for that with other activities like sleeping skin to skin during our naps on the sofa. I love holding you and feeling your little chest rise and fall with each breath you take. I love how you inch closer to me and share body heat. It makes me feel very special to be your momma.

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Unfortunately, the downside to co-sleeping is that you don’t like to be away from me and I can no longer sleep away from you. Secretly I love your attachment to me, but I do wish you’d like daddy a little more, especially when I need to use the bathroom or need a shower. These past few days you’ve really developed sass to your personality, and with that comes a blood curdling scream that makes it difficult to enjoy a hot shower. I know a day will come when you’ll prefer your daddy over me, and I’m going to try to remember the inconvenient wails of anger that accompany your current preference for your momma. I’ll try to focus on that instead of being upset, but I know it will still hurt.

You’ve been much more alert these last two weeks. This has deprived us of our afternoon naps but has given me the opportunity to get to know you and your personality better. A day or two into this awareness, it occurred to me that I need to parent you with great intention and purpose, and this is a responsibility that is on-going and constant. It doesn’t suddenly begin when I realize you’ve become cognitively developed and able to retain memories. From that moment on, I’ve talked to you more, sang to you, and read to you. I’m also making a point to tell you that I love you every day.

Truthfully, the word “love” does not fully explain the emotions I feel towards you. You’re the result of your parents loving one another, which is a very strong relationship, and sometimes I look at you and I’m overcome by the perfectness of your existence. It is my hope that I raise you with that perfect existence in mind and with tremendous, unending love.




Tikka Masala Pits

I’ve been using organic and all-natural deodorant for several months now in an effort to avoid aluminum. I figure it was best to not put an metals in my body while I’m nursing Cecilia, especially in a location so close to my breasts. So far my experience has been pretty good. I found that Tom’s of Maine Unscented deodorant didn’t give me enough coverage, but I’ve had a very pleasant experience with Kiss My Face’s Liquid Rock in Lavender scent. However, there are some differences between this and my old reliable Lady’s Speedstick. For one, the organic sticks are deodorants and only deodorants. They are not antiperspirants. This is rather inconvenient as I suffer through my postpartum night sweats. They do not stop odor, only mask it. If you are particularly stinky or unable to take a shower for over 24 hours, you’re going to smell. Or, in my case, if you eat a heavily curry seasoned pasta, you’re pits are going to smell like curry for 5 days. I’ll never be able to fully enjoy Indian food again.

Need Loving Arms to Hold Me Tight

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When creating our baby registry, I added a Boppy pillow, believing it was an essential item to nursing. I’ve since discovered that it’s not the perfect size for feeding my newborn and tossed it to the side, using it only to prop Cecilia up during her wakeful periods. However, when I returned to bed after an early morning feeding session on Sunday, I found that it has a new fan. I guess the indomitable doesn’t like sleeping alone.

chris <3 boppy

Who Nose?

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Several people have asked which parent Cecilia favors. Hands down, she looks like me.

Here’s a newborn picture of me:

Here’s Cecilia:


Almost twin, right? Almost. She’s like the cuter version of newborn Kelly. Thankfully she doesn’t have my nose. I know its hard to tell with this comparison because I chose a flattering baby picture of me.

Here’s one showing off my droopy nose:

I still have it too:


I’m also thankful she didn’t get her daddy’s nose, given his has been broken a time or two. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s damn sexy, but his nasal passages not so much, especially when they release mocking snores as I breastfeed at 3am. Here’s an example of his honker (and his cow lick - I hope he kept that gene to himself too.)

cockatiel hair

It makes me wonder where her cute little nose came from. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she wasn’t mine, except I was the one that first grabbed her. Oh and that identical thing.

Too Damn Cute

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Sweet Taste of Motherhood

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When I first started college at Union University, I majored in sociology with a minor in psychology.  In order to fulfill some of my psych hours, I enrolled (and aced) Child Development. The class was incredibly easy, but my studious (read overachiever) self studied and memorized practically every chapter of our textbook.  I’m very thankful that I was so anal retentive because that semester helped make up for my very limited experience with children and babies.  Of course, knowing academic things is not the same as experiencing them.  For example, I know that Cecilia is not developed enough to smile.  Her smiles are more likely gas bubbles or a poop working its way out her cute little bottom.  This knowledge, however, doesn’t stop me from staring at her and smiling back, getting just close enough to get hit in the face with projectile spit up.

Closet Reader

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The indomitable and I attended birthing class every Tuesday for six-weeks during the last trimester of my pregnancy.  I’m pretty sure the other couples in our class quickly identified us as the cynical ones that did not feel wrapped up in the emotions and romance of new parenthood.  Despite our attitudes, we had the opportunity to meet some pretty interesting folks including Matthew Paul Turner, a Christian author and satirist.  I’m pretty sure he and his wife would never be our friends (since we are super negative and shit), but I’ve kept up with his blog.  Part of me feels like this is slightly stalking since I’ve actually met him.  (Oppose to just reading a writer’s blog that I haven’t met - that wouldn’t seem weird to me at all.)  He recently wrote this post that I believe most expectant father’s can identify with.  It’s so truthful that I’ve decided to out myself and admit that I’m a follower of his blog.

Indomitable Birthday

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Happy 33rd birthday, Chris! I’m sorry I didn’t order a gift for you until Friday at 4:30 am when I was up feeding our daughter. I’m also sorry that I didn’t tell you, “Happy Birthday,” until I managed to shake my sleep deprived stupor at 1pm today. Though my priorities have recently rearranged, you are still the most important man in my life and my true love. I look forward to the many laughter-filled years in front of us. There is not a single day that goes by that I do not thank God for your presence in my life. I love you very much! Happy birthday!

Probably Not Caused by Sleep Deprivation

90 Minute Baby Sleep Program

The indomitable and I are currently reading The 90-Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly Moore, Ph.D. It’s a program based on the natural 90 minute circadian rhythm. Though it’s not suppose to fully develop until babies are 2 weeks old, we are already starting to see a pattern in Cecilia’s sleep/wake cycles. Which lead the indomitable to say, “It’s amazing. Babies have the same sleep cycles as humans.” My reply, “What’s even more amazing is that babies are humans.”


After 41 weeks and 5 days of waiting and 28 hours of labor, Cecilia Laine Hefley was born June 28 at 5:00 am. She weighed 7lb 14oz and was 20 1/4″ long.  As you can see, she’s the most beautiful baby in the world.  She was worth the wait (but I still would have preferred for her to arrive on time)!