I’m not current and hip. I accepted this many years ago. After all, there is comfort in the familiar. For example, with every new version of Windows, there is a design change. However, it’s always “Classic Windows” on my laptop. I’m not thrilled by all the new bells and whistle. I find fading closed folders distracting and new setups confusing. Many people have told me that I’ll get use to it over time, but I don’t want to. A laptop is a machine that works for me. I’m lazy and do not want to spend time getting adapted to it. I just want to use it like a dirty whore and toss it to the side. I’m not Richard Gere, and it’s not Julia Roberts. We are not going shopping on Rodeo Drive so it can look better. It just needs to perform and leave me alone.
When Windows Vista appeared on the scene, the indomitable asked me if I wanted it installed on my computers. However, he could not provide any advantage of the new software other than visual effects. Promptly, I said no.
Then the viruses and adware attacked, which was very humbling. I once believed that only the technology inept and porn lovers got infected. I’m still not sure how I acquired them, and since I haven’t let anyone touch my
baby laptop for months, I have no one to blame. After a week of trying to remove the beasts, we decided to format my drive. Then we couldn’t find the Windows XP boot disk, and I was already too frustrated to look for it in our yet-to-be-unpacked office. I consented to Vista. Dammit.
In Vista, the Classic Windows theme is just a tease. It’s not my familiar, comfortable Windows 95 style. My icons are not the same. The layouts are not the plain ones that I’m accustom to. And folders, oh gah. Look at them! I just want to see one title picture. And though saying this reminds me of the times my mom would tell me that the bass in my music “makes her heart skip a beat,” these folders make me go cross eyed.
Screw you Vista. You have successfully foiled me and turned me into my mother.