What Size Do You Wear?

The indomitable and I were discussing our carbon footprint. Your carbon footprint represents the effect your activities have on the climate in terms of the total amount of greenhouse gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide. You can calculate your footprint here.

Reading This Makes Me Feel a Little Off

Besides being terminated by a counteroffer, an offer may be terminated by the offeree’s outright rejection of it. Alternatively, an offeree may fail to accept the offer before it expires. The offeror may revoke the offer at any time before receiving the acceptance. This revocation must be communicated to the offeree by the offeror, either directly or through the parties’ agents. The offer is also revoked if the offeree learns of the revocation and observes the offeror acting in a manner that indicates that the offer no longer exists.

Daily Digestion 7.29.7

My stress levels have been extremely high with our new addition. It has revived my REM behavioral disorder, especially during the first week of endless puppy crying throughout the night. I have walked around the bedroom every night believing that Lucy has found her way into our room. One night I even ripped all the cords out of the outlets, including my alarm clock, because I thought she was under the bed and feared she’d chew on them and electrocute herself. However, most of the time I think she has managed to escape her locked crate, open our bedroom door, and jump four feet onto our bed. Then I am adamantly convinced that the indomitable has rolled on top of her. This is not completely shocking because all REM behavioral episode come with a complimentary anger towards the indomitable, as sleepingKelly seems to blame him for all her woes. Last night I was sure that she was in the bed. I was petting her. It felt like her. It was warm and hairy and the right size. But then, the indomitable touched my back, and I woke a little and had a realization, “Oh. That’s your leg.”

Another Glimpse Into Motherhood

It’s 11pm, and the house is completely silent. For the past week and a half, this time slot has been filled with high pitch puppy cries. The kind that breaks your heart, annoyingly keeps you awake, and frustrates the hell out of you all at the same time. It may be a breakthrough. Despite this, I’m holding my breath, fearing that it may wake the tiny beast or interrupt the deafening quiet.

I’m A Hound Dog

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Six weeks into our marriage, the indomitable had to play the puppy card. In case you’re unfamiliar with the game of marital hearts, the puppy card is the only thing the beats the queen of raging baby fever.

The biological clock is an amazing thing, especially since I swore I’d never swell up like a blueberry just to endure hours upon hours of painful labor in order to parent a whining, screaming, pooping infant that would develop into a bratty teenager. No thanks. But then a good friend had a baby, and after I caught a whiff of the intoxicating baby aroma, I was a goner. I found myself constantly dreaming about having children. I would whimper to the indomitable about wanting babies. I thought he was a mean bully who wouldn’t knock me up. At first, when he suggested we’d do a “trial run” on a puppy, I was appalled. I couldn’t believe that he thought that a puppy would fulfill my yearnings to be a mother.

However, the boredom of being a housewife started to wear on me, and I eventually agreed with him. I did a little research on petfinder.com and found a litter of Australian Cattledog/Bluetick Coonhound mix puppies at the Williamson County Animal Control, and we stopped by last Friday to check them out. For some reason, the indomitable had thought that we wouldn’t end up with a dog after our first visit. I knew there was no way I could set eyes on puppies and not take one home.

Of the nine puppies, only two didn’t reflect their Bluetick ethnicity. Call me racist, but my deep hatred of the Tennessee Vols did not help my desire for a Bluetick. Lucy was the quieter of the two light colored pups, and when we took her to the visitation room and she licked my chin, I knew she was ours.

Lucy is a great puppy. She oscillates between napping on my lap and threatening the lives of her chew toys. I didn’t really anticipate the amount of pee puddles that I’ve had to clean and how often I’d have to scream “NO”. Lucy is definitely a test run for parenthood. I’ve had little to no time for housework or laundry. Unlike babies, the puppy can already walk and follow me room to room. There is also a limit on the extent of time we can spend away from the house since she has a small puppy bladder and does not wear a diaper.

Now, as I sit here watching her trying to eat the carpet, I’m so glad we got the puppy instead of a baby. However, as one of indomitable’s friends has told him, “At first, you are glad that you pulled the puppy card and that you delayed the baby. But it stops working over time, and you end up with a puppy and a baby.”

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A Statement Said in Real Estate School

“While puffing is legal, licensees must ensure that none of their statements can be interpreted as fraudulent.”

By the way, puffing is exaggeration of a property’s benefits.

A Fond Farewell

Categories: Relations | No Comments

For the last three days, the indomitable and I haven’t spoken. We spent the weekend sitting in the living room with the TV off and the laptops stowed away, never making eye contact. An outsider would think that we’re in the middle of a spat, but at closer look you would see the little white cords streaming from our ears. The last Harry Potter book came out, and we’ve been enjoying the delectable readings of Jim Dale, the Harry Potter audiobook narrator. We’ve finished it today, and though I’m saddened by the series ending, the last book does not disappoint.

Google AdSense = Internet Hall Monitors

From: Google AdSense <adsense-adclicks[at]google.com>
Date: Jul 17, 2007 1:36 PM
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
To: hef.commerce@gmail.com
cc Google AdSense <adsense-adclicks[at]google.com>Hello Chris Hefley,It has come to our attention that invalid clicks have been generated on
the Google ads on your site(s). In the future, we may adjust your
payment for any days during which invalid clicks occurred in order to
properly credit advertisers for any invalid activity.As a reminder, any method of generating invalid clicks is strictly
prohibited. Invalid clicks include but are not limited to any clicks
that are generated through the use of robots, automated clicking tools,
manual clicks by a publisher on the publisher’s own web pages, or a
publisher encouraging others to click on his ads.

If you have any questions, please feel free to reply to this email. We
will be happy to help in any way we can.

Sincerely,

The Google Team

Apparently Google AdSense do not make exceptions for bored, depressed housewives who need something, anything, to fill there time. My lord. How will I ever put food on my table without the extra penny income per month! Apathetic bastards. It’s a good thing I got a new puppy to fill my time.

Question

Categories: Picklings | No Comments

What exactly are you suppose to do with your tongue during a dental exam and cleaning? I’m always paranoid that I’m misplacing my tongue and somehow giving the hygienist the impression that I’m that kind of girl.

Shower the People You Love With Green

It is my personal opinion that a person should immediately change their shower faucets upon moving into a new home. It is only second to replacing the locks. There is something very disgusting about seeing lime scale all over the shower head. And even though I grew up in the Ozark mountains of Arkansas where there is more lime in the wells than actual water, it gives me the heebie jeebies, as if the former occupants wiped their crusty boogers on it.

Unfortunately, I did tolerate the booger shower for a few weeks after moving into our abode as I searched for a low-flow shower head. They are not the easiest to come by and are often a bit too pricey for me. However, one day treehugger.com featured a low-flow shower head from Gaiam. It puts out an amazingly low 1.2 gallons per minute, and it is reasonably priced at $12. This is particularly awesome since most showers put out around 5 gallons per minute and are comparably priced

I have to say that I’ve been very pleased with it. When it first arrived, I was a little put off by how small it is. However, do not be fooled by the size. This puppy adds air into its stream and gives you a full pressure blast. Trust me, I like my water pressure, and I would not tolerate a weak stream, even if did save the world. It also features a soap valve that is particularly nice when you want to turn off the shower to shave your legs but do not want to fiddle with finding the right temperature all over again.

Overall, I would say it’s a must-have. If you order it and don’t like it, that’s okay. It was only $12, and you’ll probably save that much on your water bill if you use it for three months.


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