Fire the Newsboy

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As part of my daily internet ritual, I sat down and clicked on Internet Explorer immediately after returning home from school. My homepage is a personalized Google site. It stated, “Barboro Is Euthanized After Latest Surgery.” I am not familiar with Barboro, but I assumed it was a political leader from some Central American country, maybe the one that was critical of President Bush recently. I thought it was really peculiar that a medical staff would choose to kill a person, even if that person had the dimmest future ahead themselves. I went on to wonder if this person named Barboro chose this route and stating something courageous about dying with honor. Then I clicked on MSN and found out that Barboro was a race horse. This is about as news worthy as the newsflash CNN sent me via email about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline breaking up.

Curiously Addictive

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The indomitable and I have recently become addicted to dark chocolate dipped Altoids. He found the original peppermint flavor at Walgreens, and eventually we went back and tried the chocolate dipped cinnamon and ginger. Since I only go to Walgreens once a month (to pick up my birth control), I tried to find them at our local grocery store and Target. They were not there, much to my dismay. In fact, they aren’t even listed under products on the Altoids website. However, when I went to Sam’s Club to purchase fondue machines for the wedding, they were selling a 6 tin pack for $11. I pictured messaged the indomitable on his cell phone at work, and he promptly messaged me back and asked me to buy them.

I have a few words of advice if you purchase these. Don’t be fooled into thinking you can eat them and maintain your diet. Yes, they only have 15 calories for two mints. And yes, normally two Altoids would be all a person could handle. However, when the Altoids are covered in rich dark chocolate, you can consume more than two. You can actually eat an entire box without knowing it. Also, do not trick yourself into believing that it will sweeten your breath. From my experience with peppermint Altoids, you end up with rank breath about ten minutes afterward. That’s the candy company’s trick. They know you’ll stick another one in your mouth.

Daily Digestion 1.26.7

I’m not really sure what has come over me. This morning I woke up to Chris talking and I was answering back. Even though I eventually came to realize he was on the phone with his dad, I was really excited. It occurred to me that I have not walked in weeks. I had some nights where I cannot fall asleep, usually when I drank something with caffeine to late in the evening or I’m overly excited about the upcoming wedding, but I have not woken to find myself in the living room or with remnants of food in my teeth.

I have a few guesses on why this has suddenly happened: I’m not working so my stress level is much lower, I’m blissfully in love and feel comfortable and protected by my wonderful Indomitable, I go to bed at a decent hour because the Indomitable requires more sleep than sleepingKelly, and there is so much crap between my side of the bed, the wall, and the door (pillows, mainly) that I can’t make it to the door without crawling over the sleeping Indomitable.

Despite this new phenomenon, I still have moments of fear. Like last night, we left a box of Cookie Crisp on the kitchen counter, and I was so scared that I would consume the entire thing before 5am. I’m still going to be careful and not invite too many temptations into my home, like Doritos. We’re trying to lose a few more pounds before the wedding, and I don’t want sleepingKelly to sabotage that. However, I thinking awake Kelly would probably give into the temptation of the salty wonderfulness of Doritos, so it’s probably best to keep those out anyway.

Old Ball and Chain

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The indomitable and I decided we’d quit playing house and get hitched. The official nuptial date is June 8th. It’s a Friday, and it’s going to be awesome.

He Looks Like A Big Boy Now!

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11.23 063

Wrinkles and Pimples

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Have you ever reached a moment in your life when you realize you are older? This week I became a regular daytime college student for the first time since my freshman year in 2000. As I roamed the halls and looked around my classes, I realized that I’m out of date. My generation’s Birkenstocks and Doc Martens have been replaced by Crocs and Uggs. I began to feel self conscious about my paddle sized black clogs. I was praying that they would notice my age and know that I was not young and hip but mature and modern. However, my adult acne doesn’t do a good job portraying all my life experiences. I looked like a dork, and I felt old. When did your age hit you?

“Boo…you WHORE.”

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I think we, as a society, need to revive the art of letter writing. It seems to me that most of our written interactions reflect the only manuscripts we composed, school notes.

For example, the classic junior high, prepubescent note:
“HEY! What’s ↑? How R U? Fine here. Do you like Sam? Circle YES or NO.”
It has turned into our every day dialectic but with a new technological slant. “LOL. BFF? WTF? ROLF.”

The aftermath is our inability to express ourselves without slang shorthand and abbreviations. I was noticing this while searching for a friend on myspace. Profile headlines are an opportunity to greet your viewers and friends. From what I can see, there are four types of headlines.

First, people who try to use profound sayings by quoting famous authors or bestow their “wisdom”. However, I think they fail to remember that their audience is usually their friends who already know that the user is neither enlightened or profound. If they are not their friend and just searching on myspace, I highly doubt that they are concerned with the poetic logic of the world’s great thinkers or contemplating their astuteness. Those people are not wasting their time on myspace but are off studying academia and curing cancer. There are millions of examples, but I’ve chosen three. Christine, 22, “LOVe NEVEr FAiLs.” Hillary, 17, “Before you speak, Listen. Before you write, Think. Before you pray, Forgive. Before you quit, Try.” Amy, 21, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. (Jimi Hendrix).”

Type number 2 is my favorite, White Trash headlines. This includes headlines that are specific to a person, such as an ex-boyfriend, but do not directly say so. It’s a bonus if they end with the phrase “You know who you are,” which is equating to stretching their pale, scrawny from their meth habit muscles because their target cannot remove the headline. Some examples: From one of the 28978 people with a display name of Princess, 14, “WHEN U THINK OF LOVE U GET SAD BECAUSE U HAVE KNOW ONE TO GO OUT WITH”. Or Dee, 24, “YOU’VE SEEN MINE.. SO LET ME SEE YOURS”. Crystal, 17, “10.17.06 ♥; you`re where i want to be.” Finally, my favorite, Heather, 21, “I Love My Babe Matt So Much In The Whole Wide World! =)”

The third type is movie and song quotes. Again these are often posted to make the user’s page seem complex and deep and other times it’s just to make their viewer laugh. At this moment, I’m using the quote “Shout! Shout! Let it all out!” as my headline (from the awesomely bad song, “Shout,” by Tears for Fears). More examples: Monica, 24, “Life’s a box of chocolates…. (Forrest Gump)” Jenn, 20, “It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. (American Beauty)”.

Finally, the fourth group is funny headlines derived from inside jokes. These are only humorous to those who are acquainted, mostly likely close companions, of the user. Obviously they do not appeal to strangers and probably are not meant to. Amy, 27, “I Hate Ketchup”. Lauri, 30, “This bag is all I have left of my dignity”. Rachel, 22, “i want a vagina…oh wait i have one”

I think we, as Americans, should be frightened by our lack of literary skill. We need to educate our students on these things before they graduate from high school. It seems like a valuable skill that one would need in order to get a job. Frequently in interviews, a person is asked, “What is your best asset?” I don’t think answering, “I’m HoT. ToO HoT fOr YoU,” will help. Also, on résumé, we really should greet our potential employer with a headline or career objective that states something besides, “hi, i’m rachel (ew i guess..) & i looove to smile ! =).” Of course, my blog isn’t exactly a Pulitzer Price material. In fact, I’m a complete and total hypocrite. But so are you, and you know who you are.

Daily Digestion 1.14.7

Because of my quirky sleep disorders, I rarely get out REM sleep. People need to get past REM to allow their body time to recuperate from the day. Unfortunately I just stay in REM and exhaustingly dream my nights away. Last night, I dreamed that I had place a bid on eBay during a sleeping walking episode. Now sleepingKelly has become paranoid about herself. At least she is starting to take responsibility for herself. (I also dreamed that Rachael Ray and I were good friends, and she told me she was pregnant.)

Talking to Strangers

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They Serve Eggs

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