My Dad Would Appreciate This

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Daily Digestion 9.30.6

Strawberry Flavored Applesauce.

It has been sitting in Chris’s fridge as long as I’ve known him. I’m not dead yet. We’ll see if I continue to be that way.

Commuter Student

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Daily Digestion 9.29.6

Nine Dum Dum pops.

I woke up when I was on the eighth one or so. I remember eating the last one; I think it was cherry flavored. Normally I wouldn’t have candy in my house but they were left over from my birthday package that my sister sent me. That was in August, and they were gross and crusty then. I’m surprised I didn’t choke. From this point forward, people should only send me safety suckers. You know, the ones with the loops for stems that you get from bank tellers.

Wishful Thinking of Life Outside of Work

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Daily Digestion 9.28.6

Red Apple and a Garden Burger (w/ Bun & Ketchup).

Okay. She ate the last apple last night. Yesterday I was debating on keeping a bushel at work, but I think I’m done with apples for a while. There have been too many mornings that I have awoken with chunks of apple stuck in my teeth and gums. Nasty apple morning breath can ruin your affinity for the fruit. Other edibles that have been ruined by halitosis included Cookie Crisp cereal and Thin Mints.

This Is Where I Start Embarassing My Family

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I wrote this on 7.9.06, four days after my divorce finalized.

So I’m dating again. I’ve decided to not let the man keep me down. When I say “the man” I mean my ex-husband, and when I say “Get me down” I mean that whole marriage thing. I find that old ways come back too easily. It’s not hard to remember how to flirt or juggle multiple guys and dates in a one week period (or day). It does come with new challenges. When I was 18 and 19, I had a hard time not sleeping with my dates. But after three years of obligatory sex, it’s not a problem. Plus now I don’t have to keep my affair with the Energizer Bunny on the down low. Now the problem is explaining the divorce title to parents and friends. How do you say, “I’m only 23 and I”m already divorced, despite the adult acne on my face. And I’m dating your son.” At least I don’t have to pretend that I’m a virgin. And to the question, “How long have you been divorced?” Looking down at my watch and responding “Four days!” doesn’t seem like the right approach. Because at that moment, they would realize that their son has been talking about me for two months. It will no longer matter that we’ve been separated for seven months and that I haven’t seen my ex in four. I am, from that point forward, tainted and dating their precious child. It will always be my fault.

Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind if I had to wear a scarlet “D” on my shirt. It would save me the effort of explaining my divorce. In the future, I think I’m going to require all future suitors to tell their parents before I have to meet them. Or maybe I just won’t meet the parents, even if Chris tells me “They won’t care. They’ll just be happy that I’m dating a girl.” Which opens another can of worms….

I Wish You Wouldn’t Look At Me Like That, Napoleon

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Daily Digestion 9.27.6

Red Apple.

I’m thinking I might have to store my 5 lb bags of apples at work. They’re my quick snack for school so I don’t want to stop buying them all together. However, if I remove the healthy apples, what will sleeping Kelly eat next? I’ve learned over the last few years that removing one item does not resolve the problem. The apple consumption does scare me though. Apples are very solid and could easily block my windpipe.

A New Awareness on My Daily Commute

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