Lately, I’ve been waking up around 12:30, which is my usual first waking time, and not remembering how I got to bed. These small blackouts are not the result of too much drinking; they’re caused by exhaustion. However, I’m not sure if it’s from pushing myself to stay awake until I’m in some zombie-like state or if the fatigue of motherhood makes me forget trivial information, like how I got to bed. Either way, I’m not concerned. I’m humored by it, but not worried. Anything that helps me fall asleep faster is a good thing.
I know I rarely talk about sleep any more. It use to be the main subject of my blog, but now it’s taken a backseat to writing about my everyday life. Truthfully, that’s appropriate. I don’t really think much about my sleep disorders now days. They’re still there, and I still struggle to burn off the calories that I consumed at night. But life has given me so many blessings that I hate wasting time dwelling on things I can’t seem to control. Inevitably, I’m going to wake up at least twice a night. Getting upset by it won’t help me be a better wife, mother, or person the next day. I can only hope that I’ll get too distracted by Facebook to eat. (Unbeknownst to my FB friends, it’s their duty to entertain me with late night/early morning status updates. If they post more frequently, I guarantee I’ll lose five pounds in a month.)
As any of my mommy-friends can tell you, life without a solid 7-8 hours of sleep is hard. It’s depressing to think that I’ve only had one or two nights of it in ten years. I’ve started taking melatonin again. In the past, it didn’t help much, but it’s side effects are much less than the schedule 3 narcotic that I was on before. That made me groggy the next day, and grogginess doesn’t pair well with being the mother of an active two year old. One day, I’ll figure out this whole sleep thing. In the mean time, I’m going to keep on keepin’ on. Truthfully, those blackouts are pretty refreshing.